Christians and the subject of *petting*

A Christian young woman was once confronted about her living with a boy and having sexual relations with him (made obvious in that she was pregnant).  In the midst of the discussion, the matter of “petting” came up and she defended herself by saying of it, “Nobody ever taught us about that.”  While she may not have been listening closely enough, perhaps there has been too little said about when a young man and young woman, in their relationship, have gone “too far” in the physical, sexual sense.  There are clear boundaries that begin in the heart and mind and that must be enforced with the body.

Key scriptures that explicitly forbid such sexual touching as goes beyond hand-holding and mere kissing are Mark 7:22, Romans 13:13, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 4:19, 1 Peter 4:3, and 2 Peter 2:7.  Each passage falls within distinct contexts, addressing Jews and Gentiles, churches and individuals, and is applicable to Christians and non-Christians.  A specific Greek word, aselgeia, is used to speak of something that is at times a very specific and at other times a generic behavior.  In most of the passages aselgeia specifically refers to “the special sense of sexual excess” (Kittel, Vol. 1, 490). 

Let’s make this practical.  If one has, by choices and thoughts, ceased trying to make the decisions one makes when Christ is living in him/her, then one uses a different basis for decision-making.  The desire to please self, to please the other person, to satisfy the lusts of the body, to use one’s body to “keep” the other person, or to be seen with someone popular or attractive can become sandy soil on which to build decisions (cf. Matt. 7:24-27).  No serious thought is given to how the decision to engage in “improper touching” will effect the person’s relationship, home, worldly friends, church family, and Lord!

Here are five practical tips to avoid the sin of petting.

(1) Never allow others to touch you and do not allow yourself to touch another person in a anatomical location or in a manner that would embarrass you if seen by those you respect.  If you would not want it played on a video screen at church services, reconsider doing it or allowing it done to you.  If the action is wholesome and godly, there should be absolutely no shame in everyone knowing about it.

(2) Never allow touching that you would feel the need to repent of before the Judgment Day.  It is best to simply “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim. 2:22).  Joseph literally did (Gen. 39:11-12).

(3) Remember the “neck to knees” rule.  No one who is not your marriage partner has any right to meddle in between those areas.  Also, keep vigilant outside those areas.  The objective is to prevent the kindling of passions that cannot be addressed outside of the marriage covenant.

(4) Always remember that Christ is with you.  He is there on every date and circumstance that draws you into orbit with members of the opposite sex, watching, hearing and perceiving everything you say and even think.  Truly grasping that Jesus is literally, though invisibly, there will throw cold water on sexual touching.

(5) Minimize any talk or activity that accentuates or suggests sexuality.  This includes movies, conversations, music, letters, emails, and the like.  It contributes nothing healthy to the relationship but can produce regret, guilt, shame, and even hard-heartedness.
God is the creator of sex.  Like all else He created, it truly is good (Gen. 1:31).  Yet, like many other of His good things, it has its proper place.  Sexual touching, like sexual intercourse, has its place.  That place is marriage.  It does not belong anywhere else.

Neal Pollard

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