When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”

When a man says ’THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.’
He means: “Are you still talking?”

When a man says: “IT’S A GUY THING”
He means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”

When a man says “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER”
He means: “Why isn’t it ready yet?”

When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR”
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
He means: ” I can remember the theme song to ‘Hogan’s Heroes’, the phone # of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but yes, I forgot your birthday”

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL”
He means: “I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!”

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless”

When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”
He means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

When a man says “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE”
He means: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

When a man says “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!”
He means: “Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving.”

When a man says “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

When a man says “I don’t think I can go today.”
He means: Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way.

When a man says, “I don’t remember saying that.”
It’s because he means: “Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days.”

When a man says, “that’s not what I meant.”
He means: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.

If your husband says, “honey, what color is this?”
He means: ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. I have no idea what “taupe” is