IMAGINE A PERSON you love very much…
They are a wonderful person and a terrific FRIEND – smart and capable. You have a great rapport, and enjoy the times you are together. You laugh together, and can share sorrows too. You treasure the relationship.
There is one dark side to this friend…they have an unlimited supply of “grenades.” Periodically, if they’re having a bad day or even for no reason that you can discern, they grab one…hold it close…and pull the pin.
As you’re standing there, watching, horrified, the explosion happens. They destroy a part of themselves. And not just that, but the shrapnel from the blast injures anyone who is close… including you and other people that you care about.
Your friend calls loudly for sympathy and help, crying, wanting someone else to deal with the mess…someone else to ease the pain…surprised when some seem to be hurt or back away…”poor me” has become their perspective now.
Many times you’ve tried to “help,” to grab the grenade away. You’ve stepped in and cleaned up. Your friend smiles an almost indiscernible smile…their responsibility has been lessened by you. You’ve pretty much said, “It’s ok to keep doing this. You can’t help it. I’m capable and you aren’t. There is no way out for you.”
In time the wounds heal, leaving scars both on you and your friend, and on those around.
Suddenly you realize that your friend is reaching for another grenade…
Finally you realize they will continue to reach for another one as long as they have the box…
Finally it dawns on that YOU are powerless to stop the madness.
Things to be learned:
1) The true fact is that only GOD can take the grenades away. And then only if your friend will GIVE THEM OVER to Him. No one else can do this by proxy. Words might encourage them in this direction, but ultimately they must have the deep desire to stop the hurt and the destruction of both themselves and those around them.
2) Reaping the CONSEQUENCES of their actions can be a powerful motivator.
3) God commands we forgive, up to 70 x 7, or infinitely. This means not holding a grudge or being bitter. God does not command that we fully restore trust however…we are not obligated to remain as close, or to continually place ourselves in the position of being wounded. Limits can be set.
4) There are a bunch of ex-grenade-holders out there willing and ready to help! …And help means imparting a “You and God CAN end this!” attitude to your friend. Many of these have formed helping groups! Yay! If your friend resists this help, they are likely not truly committed to ending the vicious cycle of destruction. (Cherie Vestal)
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Mike Benson