A TEN-YEAR-OLD who is playing in a living room inadvertently knocks over a lamp and cracks its ceramic base…
He knows that the lamp is highly treasured by his parents, and–based upon past performance–he knows they will fly into a rage when the crack is discovered. He realizes this in an instant as he surveys the damage. As he plots his next move, he can have no thought of confession. He notices that the lamp can be turned that the crack faces the wall and cannot easily be seen. Rather than face the issue head-on with his unapproachable parents, he elects to cover up the problem.
For weeks, however, the guilty child lives in fear of the day when someone will find the crack. Every time he sees his father or mother go near the lamp to turn it on or off, his body tenses–has the moment of truth arrived? The longer the secret is undisclosed, the more it drives a quiet wedge between him and his parents. He doesn’t enjoy the living room, especially when his parents are in it. Even the objects in the room become his enemies because they are identified with the lamp whose crack is going to betray him one of these days. The anticipated response to the crack has become more significant than the original problem. But unapproachability in bad moments–“when the heart is faint”–has quenched all possibility of keep short accounts.
Why is it hard to grant to children the same forgiveness we adults so desperately desire when we make mistakes? Must there be punishment for something which was done unintentionally–even if the initial act was actual disobedience?
The approachability of fathers in the early years of their children’s lives will reduce the number of defense mechanisms their children will erect. If they experience sledge-hammer reactions in their sour moments, children will create a remarkable facility for passing responsibility, making excuses, or perhaps taking no risks at all. What father wants that? Much better that they find in their fathers–effective fathers–tender responses when their child-sized hearts are faint. Gordon MacDonald, “No Busy Signals Here,” The Effective Father, 132-133
“…Indeed we do come to you. For You are the LORD our God.” Jeremiah 3:22b
Mike Benson