Tag Archives: “Discovering the Treasure of Marriage

Discovering the Treasure of Marriage

LET’S CONSIDER THAT prized trophy or treasured car…

Would you consider leaving it outside in the open, exposed to the elements of nature, animals, dirty-fingered kids, and inconsiderate neighbors? Probably not. More likely you would shield it from these elements. You might make sure it has a special place in the garage or on an out-of-reach shelf. You would likely cover it with glass and polish it often, or park at the far end of the parking lot to avoid dings in your doors. You would do your best to protect your treasure.

Do you best to shield and protect your spouse from things that may be harmful to him or her. This may mean providing adequate housing and a safe car to drive. It may mean standing up against those who may be cutting your spouse down (even if they are your family). It may mean walking together in a dark parking lot or hold him or her close during a storm. Maybe it means protecting your spouse from negative aspects of yourself (i.e., mean words, irresponsible behaviors) by working hard to overcome those behaviors. As you focus on treating your spouse like the priceless gift that he or she is, many of those negative aspects of yourself will disappear. Yes, you can control these. You probably already do when you are at work, church, or a new acquaintance’s house. But it seems the more comfortable we feel with someone, the more we let down these controls. Don’t let comfort do away with appropriate control. All of these positive behaviors are protective in nature and will help your spouse feel treasured by you. (Debbie L. Cherry, Discovering the Treasure of Marriage, 72-73).

“Love always protects…” 1 Corinthians 13:7

Mike Benson

The Scarlet Letter

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HAD IT NOT been for a confident and encouraging wife, Sofia, we might not have listed among the great names of literature the name of Nathaniel Hawthorne…

When Nathaniel, a heartbroken man, went home to tell his wife he was a failure and had been fired from his job in a customhouse, she surprised him with an exclamation of joy.

“Now,” she said triumphantly, “you can write your book!”  “Yes,” replied the man, with sagging confidence, “and what shall we live on while I am writing it.”  To his amazement, she opened a drawer and pulled out a substantial sum of money.  “Where on earth did you get that?” he exclaimed.  “I have always known you were a man of genius,” she told him.  “I knew that someday you would write a masterpiece.  So every week, out of the money you gave me for housekeeping, I saved a little bit.  So here is enough to last us for one whole year.”

From her trust and confidence came one of the greatest novels of American literature, The Scarlet Letter.

THOUGHT: When most people who’ve achieved great things tell their stories, they mention those who encouraged him along the way.  (David Jeremiah)

“Then news of these things came to the ears of the church in Jerusalem, and they sent out Barnabas to go as far as Antioch. When he came and had seen the grace of God, he was glad, and encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord. For he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith. And a great many people were added to the Lord.”  Acts 11:22-24

Mike Benson

Love notes

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MY HUSBAND AND I dated all through high school and we have boxes and boxes of notes we used to write back and forth…

I loved getting these notes, but it seemed that after we go married these stopped.  One of the things on my list is “I feel loved when you write me love notes.”  This helped him to start writing me love notes again.

Things he or she does every day.  There are things that we do for each other on a daily or weekly basis that become habit or duty.  Make sure you identify thoe things your spouse does on a regular basis that make you feel loved…  As you write your list, consider the issues of time and money.  You should be sure to include things on your list that take practically no time at all to give (e.g., “I feel loved when you wink at me from across the room,” “…tell me that you love me,” “…rub my back or feet,” “…bring me a cup of coffee”) all the way up to things that take lots of time (e.g., “I feel loved when you fix me a four-course meal,” “…spend your day off planting flowers with me,” “…take me away for a long weekend”).  Be sure to include things that cost nothing or very little (e.g., “I feel loved when you kiss me before you leave for work,” “…send me a card in the mail,” “…bring me a single rose”) all the way up to things that could be very expensive.  Remember, it’s a wish list and you won’t necessarily get everything on the list.

It is very important that you be as specific as possible on this list.  Remember the Christmas wish list?  It would not have worked to write down “I want a Barbie” on the list.  How likely would it have been that Mom would pick out exactly which Barbie I wanted?  I had to write, “I want the Barbie with the long red dress and her hair pulled up on top of her head.”  Now Mom could get just the right one.  The same applies to your list.  Give enough details and specifics that your spouse will be sure to get it right.  Don’t say, “I feel loved when you bring me flowers.”  You might get roses, daisies, wild flowers–dandelions.  Be sure to say exactly that you want.  If my list said “I feel loved when you bring me a candy bar from the grocery store,” and he comes home with an Almond Joy, he would definitely see my disappointed face.  However, if he brought me a Butterfinger, I would be his forever.  So don’t leave room for guess work.  Tell him or her exactly what you would like.

Once each of you have finished your list, exchange them.  Be sure to go over everything on the list to be sure you completely understand what each item entails.  Then begin doing at least one thing a week off the list for your spouse.  (Debbie L. Cherry, “Discovering the Treasure of Marriage,” 80-81).

–Mike Benson