Gordon MacDonald

A TEN-YEAR-OLD who is playing in a living room inadvertently knocks over a lamp and cracks its ceramic base…

He knows that the lamp is highly treasured by his parents, and–based upon past performance–he knows they will fly into a rage when the crack is discovered. He realizes this in an instant as he surveys the damage. As he plots his next move, he can have no thought of confession. He notices that the lamp can be turned that the crack faces the wall and cannot easily be seen. Rather than face the issue head-on with his unapproachable parents, he elects to cover up the problem.

For weeks, however, the guilty child lives in fear of the day when someone will find the crack. Every time he sees his father or mother go near the lamp to turn it on or off, his body tenses–has the moment of truth arrived? The longer the secret is undisclosed, the more it drives a quiet wedge between him and his parents. He doesn’t enjoy the living room, especially when his parents are in it. Even the objects in the room become his enemies because they are identified with the lamp whose crack is going to betray him one of these days. The anticipated response to the crack has become more significant than the original problem. But unapproachability in bad moments–“when the heart is faint”–has quenched all possibility of keep short accounts.

Why is it hard to grant to children the same forgiveness we adults so desperately desire when we make mistakes? Must there be punishment for something which was done unintentionally–even if the initial act was actual disobedience?

The approachability of fathers in the early years of their children’s lives will reduce the number of defense mechanisms their children will erect. If they experience sledge-hammer reactions in their sour moments, children will create a remarkable facility for passing responsibility, making excuses, or perhaps taking no risks at all. What father wants that? Much better that they find in their fathers–effective fathers–tender responses when their child-sized hearts are faint. Gordon MacDonald, “No Busy Signals Here,” The Effective Father, 132-133

“…Indeed we do come to you. For You are the LORD our God.” Jeremiah 3:22b

Mike Benson

THE GENESIS ACCOUNT says Lot went to his sons-in-law and told them that there was trouble ahead (19:12), that the city was doomed, and that they’d better evacuate while the going was possible…

This is what the Bible says about their response:

“But to his sons-in-law he seemed to be joking” (Genesis 19:14).

The most serious moment in Lot’s life turned out to be a hysterically funny joke. And why not? What did they have to go on when Lot tried to offer special leadership? His lifestyle? The way he had lived in the past in Sodom? He hadn’t talked about these things before; why should they be so excited when he suddenly raised these issues now? Lot was no one to be talking about judgment; it certainly hadn’t marked his life before this. He must be kidding.

Children do observe. What do they see? The answer separates the effective from the ineffective fathers. The former takes note of the importance of exposure to his children — that every moment he is with them is a chance to make a positive impression for the purpose of character building and spirit development. But the latter doesn’t see this. His view of the family is one of simply living together and finding the home to be little more than a meeting place in which to eat, sleep, and have a little fun. Gordon MacDonald, “Wear Shoes You Want to be Filled,” The Effective Father, 99-100

“Now you have observed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions, my sufferings, what befell me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra, what persecutions I endured…” 2 Timothy 3:10-11

–Mike Benson

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Why is it hard to grant to children the same forgiveness we adults so desperately desire when we make mistakes?

Effective versus ineffective fathers