Note: From time to time I happen to be sitting in just the right place. This was one of those days. And the more that I reflected on what had happened, the more I knew that I had received a special blessing via Sean and Betty. It was an ordinary daily occurrence spiced with spiritual meaning.
She sat in a wheelchair facing her aged husband, fleece blanket loosely draped about her frail shoulders. Another covered her lap, her hands quietly folded at repose. Her husband’s eyes were closed, though he didn’t look asleep, just resting in a quiet moment. Her gaze never left his face.
The outpatient waiting room was only partially occupied, so I was the customary two seats away from them reading a book. My husband, Frank, had had a routine procedure and the doctor had already reported that everything was fine. He just needed to recover from the anesthetics.
She leaned forward as his eyes opened and said quite clearly, “This isn’t easy.”
“I know,” came the reply.
My focus was no longer on my book.
She continued, “I love you.”
He returned, “And I love you back.” All this said while they never strayed from their locked gazes.
“How many years have we been married?” she asked after a few moments of just looking at him.
“49,” he said.
Both of them closed their eyes. I resumed reading…same page, same words.
When I looked up she was watching me. I smiled. She smiled back.
This happened two more times. I noticed that he was watching and smiling also.
Closing my book it was easy to remark, “I couldn’t help overhear you say that you had been married 49 years.”
That’s all it took to begin a sweet conversation with Sean and Betty, two people facing the debilitating challenge of Betty’s MS. As we conversed on many topics from insurance, medical care, today’s parenting challenges and travel, to lost expectations, I learned of Sean’s utter devotion to his wife, of his desire to always be there for her as she goes through the progressing stages of MS and memory loss.
He’s committed himself to weight exercises at 70+ years so he’ll be able to lift and support his wife.
In our own way each of us can connect with what it means to be totally devoted to another.
To provide
To serve -To love in sacrificial ways
Rejoicing in good days – Consoling in bad days.
Being there! Being Family!
You can imagine some of the tasks Sean has to do for his wife.
I didn’t hear him talk about golf with the guys or looking forward to a weekend of bass fishing.
He went to the gym to build muscle so he could carry his wife!!!
In thinking about the idea of being family in the Church – The Apostle Peter put it this way in 1 Peter 1:22 – Fervently love the brethren (zealously, earnestly, intently…stretched)
Likewise, Paul in Rom. 12:10 – be devoted to one another in brotherly love – philostorgus – a good Greek word which means tender loving family affection.
I saw that modeled in Sean with Betty in the waiting room of a hospital. In this area of his life, with what little I had learned in our brief discussion, I knew he was totally committed to his wife, lovingly serving her so that she could have some dignity and quality of life.
I SAW RIGHT ATTITUDE – RIGHT THERE IN A DAILY OCCURRENCE.
Attitude: An ordinary word with far-reaching implications for Christian women wanting to serve one another.
It’s easy to serve, to visit, to get close to some. They’re likable, fun. One might even say you look forward to those times when you meet for coffee and discuss something “spiritual”.
But it’s a whole “other attitude story” with difficult people. You know, the ones who stand out in extra ordinary ways, ways that can annoy. It’s a challenge to serve with the humility of Christ. And it’s humbling when you know you’ve come up short with your attitude, again.
It was Sunday. A day for me that began with teaching my sweet grandson, Jackson. Bible class was over and I was sitting in the assembly room, waiting for our collective worship to begin. It felt good to sit and just look around at brethren greeting each other.
And then I felt a tap on my shoulder. One of my Christian sisters looked distressed and I soon found out why.
“Marty, someone has left an awful mess in the ladies’ room. It’s disgusting!”
“Oh,” I began. “Well…” I continued. And then my mind raced with the possibilities of my responses.
Possible Response #1. Why did you bring me into this. What do I have to do with a messy ladies’ room?
(My mind was feeling real indignation.)
Possible Response #2. Why didn’t YOU just clean it up?
Possible Response #3. Said in my head: Do what love would do at this critical time. Get the gloves, disinfectant, and scrubber in the pantry. Do it now.
I had a pretty good idea of who it was that had offended. Not a child. An adult woman. This had happened before – several times.
Anyway, I chose “Door #3” and got busy. After all, I reasoned, I did not want any of our little girls going in there and being exposed to some nasty germs.
One look at the bathroom stall validated my friend’s distress. There were feces on the seat and floor, smeared as if someone had tried to clean but was not very successful. It was truly nasty.
There’s a whole new perspective in serving when you’re on your knees cleaning up someone else’s mess. And you’re in your Sunday clothing. I enjoyed a few moments of self-imposed martyrdom.
And then, thankfully, I realized: Isn’t this what Jesus did for me? Didn’t He clean up my mess?
My mind froze as my hands continued to clean. I was stopped in my tracks from all the grumbling that had been going on in my head. Instead, while on my knees, in a tiny bathroom stall, while the congregation sang “We bow down and we worship You, Lord”, I did my own bowing, in repentance for my attitude. And then, with tears in my eyes I finished cleaning someone else’s mess with thankfulness in my heart.
It was not over though. The job was not done. This would keep happening unless it was confronted. Confrontation, difficult in this sensitive issue. But at times, FAMILY does this, in LOVE. I called the “suspect” and made an appointment to meet at the church building. Frank and I went together. But first, we practiced, you know, exercised those mental muscles. I was reminded of Sean going to that gym and lifting heavy weights at 70+ years so that he could be there for his wife. Lifting, cleaning, feeding, serving her in love…. And then we prayed.
We were able to gently discuss the problem with her. Yes, she did it. Her issue was a medical one. And she had tried to clean it. We soon arrived at a solution: her own stall with the appropriate cleaning supplies stationed inside. We had been successful in maintaining her dignity. So far all is well.
Life can come at us quickly. Situations are not always pleasant with fairytale endings. I don’t want to have to deal with attitude adjustments every time. I want to grow up and be what Jesus wants me to be, especially as an older woman, influencing our precious younger women. I guess that’s why Jesus admonished his disciples… watch and pray.
In reflecting on the scriptures, the beautiful story of Naomi and Ruth stands out as an example of loving devotion to one another. In spite of it’s happy ending, they had their challenges; attitude could have easily been an issue.
There were differences in ages.
There were differences in culture and customs.
And there was a difference in religion.
Both were grieving the loss of husbands.
Naomi was grieving the loss of both sons.
And there were no grandchildren.
Yet, what was it that propelled Ruth to insist on going with Naomi? What did she see? What made the difference?
Naomi exhibited a love for God that influenced Ruth. Salt and light. Yes, she was bitter at the death of her husband and sons – a normal response to such tragedies. But Ruth still saw a lifestyle that was good. Whatever it was that she saw in Naomi, it was enough to convince her to follow after her and leave her past, her home, her customs.
She saw a life style in Naomi that was so much better than what she had grown up in.
Ruth’s famous words become a statement of commitment on the part of a young woman. They were accepted and taken to heart by the older woman. As their story unfolds we are invited to see examples of devotion to one another.
We see two women, one young, one old, lifting and supporting each other. And happily, we do know the rest of the story.
I do not know the rest of the story about Sean and Betty. But I am grateful for the brief encounter with them and the lesson that unfolded about true devotion one to another. Right attitude at its best.
–Marty