WHENEVER YOU ARE impatient in sex, you’re going to do one of two things: you’re going to harm a good relationship, or you’re going to prolong a bad one…
When I say harm a good relationship, one of the worst things you can do is to get into premarital sex because it teaches you to communicate on a surface level. Sex becomes the power of your marriage instead of being the follow-through… You can’t run a marriage on sex.
A toddler, after scraping her knee, went to put some medicine on it as she had seen her mother do. Not knowing where the medicine was, she grabbed something that looked like it. It was in a tube like the one she’d seen her mother use. But the tube she grabbed was Super Glue. After pressing the Band-Aid down tightly, her “owie” felt better–for a time. Until her mother removed the bandage…
If sex is used to resolve conflicts before marriage, it will be used in the same way after marriage, like the toddler using Super Glue–a mistaken attempt to heal wounds. On the surface level it appears to be medicine, but it actually causes more harm than good. Things might “stick” together for a time, but the wounds don’t heal any more than did the toddler’s scrape. In fact, using sex to heal conflicts only makes the wounds worse.
If a couple doesn’t change their view on sex once they are married, they will continue to use sex as a substitute for real healing, thinking it’s holding the marriage together. They will look to their marriage bed to tell them if they are close or not. Their intimacy will be no greater than their last sexual experience–and will last about as long.
Biblical love, however, is modeled after Jesus. It does not seek its own pleasure. Heather Jamison, “Not As Strong As We Think,” Reclaiming Intimacy, 87-88
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 4.3-8
Mike Benson