Have you ever felt like you were a prisoner in your own mind? Have you ever been so consumed by fear, guilt, unhappiness, hatred, or some other deep feeling that you felt like a prisoner?
I have known people that were so terrified of storms that they could not sleep. I have known other people that were so unhappy with themselves that they were constantly trying to change to be like others. I have also known those that were so laden with guilt that they couldn’t feel happy, ever. They were a prisoner in their own minds.
King Saul was such a man. When he failed to “utterly destroy the Amalekites” as God commanded, he made no effort to repent. Samuel informed him that God had taken the kingdom from him and given it to David. Maybe because David didn’t assume the throne right away, Saul got comfortable and thought God forgot. But we know God never forgets.
In First Samuel 28, we read of a time when the Philistines gathered their armies to fight against Israel. Samuel, the prophet, was dead; and the people of Israel had mourned for him and buried him. Saul decided to put those that were wizards, witches, etc. out of the land. Such were considered sinful to the people, just as idols and images to be worshiped were sinful.
Saul saw the large army of the Philistines gathering, and he became afraid. He inquired of the Lord what would happen, but the Lord did not answer him. Now would have been a great time to say, “I’m sorry. I have sinned. Please forgive me.” Not King Saul. Instead, he told his servants to find a woman with a familiar spirit, in other words, a witch. Once again, Saul defied God’s commandments. He already had his answer, but he wanted something more.
Saul disguised himself and went with two other men to see a witch in Endor. There he told the witch what he wanted—bring up a certain man from the dead. The woman was terrified because she knew about the order to get rid of all those who practiced witchcraft. Saul assured her that nothing would happen to her. When Saul revealed the name of the individual he wanted to see, she didn’t want to help him. Saul wanted to talk to Samuel, and the woman realized this was King Saul making the request. She was more terrified than ever, but Samuel did appear.
Samuel wanted to know why Saul had disturbed him since God had left him and had become his enemy. He even reminded him why all this had happened—his failure to destroy all of the Amalekites and their possessions. Then Samuel prophesied the outcome of the battle. He said the Lord would deliver Israel into the hands of the Philistines, and he and his sons would be killed. True to the prediction, Saul and his sons were killed the next day in battle. Saul fell on his own sword after being mortally wounded, and his three sons were killed in battle. Saul stayed a prisoner in his own mind, failing to ask forgiveness.
When we allow ourselves to be consumed with fear, live in a state of unhappiness from things we cannot change, or live in guilt from a sinful past, we are prisoners in our own minds. A prisoner is defined as “a person who is or feels confined or trapped by a situation or set of circumstances” (New Oxford American Dictionary). A Christian should never feel trapped by circumstances. That is the reason for passages like:
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
“…I will never leave you, nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
“Casting all your anxieties on him; because he cares for you” (First Peter 5:7).
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
Had Saul repented, had he maintained an obedient relationship with God, had he depended on God to determine his destiny, his life would have ended in a very different way.
If you are struggling with fear, loneliness, guilt, or some other feeling that keeps you from serving God, take heart. God is there, waiting to hear you. Christians have the blessed promises that He will be there for us if we will only ask. You must be obedient to Him; but He is a loving, forgiving God who wants you to ask Him for help.
Sandra Oliver