I had a reader (rather vehemently) take issue with my last blog where I stated that Christians aren’t why people hate Christianity—Christ is. Now, I’m not going to rehash the same information. The point of that blog was that those who say such things aren’t trying to reason. They’re just angry like people were angry at Christ. If you want to read the Biblical position I took, please read that article as I’m not going to use anymore of this blog space on that topic (http://www.abiblecommentary.com/christianwoman/come-now-and-let-us-reason-together-says-the-lord-isaiah-118/). Here I want to approach the same idea, but from a different perspective. This has little to do with reason, or even religion, and everything to do with hate in the Christian’s heart; for people who claim Christianity can also take this attitude—that another brother or sister in Christ is worthy of their wrath and disdain.
Consider 1 John 4:20-21: “20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.”
Sometimes, there are people in the Church who drive me a little crazy. Sometimes they do things I think are wrong, but they feel they are right because we simply aren’t in the same place spiritually. (People may think I’m wrong, too!). This is part of being a family, though. (Note: I am speaking in the context of the brotherhood, not the denominational world). If you think about your physical family, you’ll see similar things. You won’t get along with everyone all the time because you’re each different and have, perhaps, different ways of approaching or enacting the same beliefs. What comforts us in the Church is that we all hold dear the same things: Christ and His Church, according to His Word (the Bible). So, even when I feel upset by another brother or sister, I remember that they have probably felt the same about me and I forgive them. We are a team. When we start attacking members of our team—Christ’s family!—Christ takes issue with that. You can’t say you love Him and treat your brother or sister badly, no matter how much you may think they deserve it.
Romans 12:17-21 “17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (cf. also 1 John 2:9-11)
For some reason, we get this secular urge to “repay evil for evil.” (I perceive) they treated me badly; so, I’m going to treat them badly. To you I say: Who is your master? Your own lusts and urges or Christ? People grumble about this; but, look, you are told to love one another by your Lord and Savior. Unless you think you have it all perfect, how do you think Jesus sees you? Have you ever wronged Him? And yet, he promises to forgive us (1 John 1:9). Jesus, while on the Earth, also brings forth the concept that our forgiveness may be contingent upon our forgiveness of others (Matthew 6:12).
I don’t feel like I should have to tell Christians this but I will: It’s never okay to treat others poorly. I don’t care what they did—or what you think they did—or what you think they deserve. “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34). That’s a command, not a suggestion.
There are people who avoid being with the Church because of how “awful” and “hypocritical” they perceive Christians to be. This person believes Christians think they’re better than everyone else, and so doesn’t want to be with Christians. This is a false assumption on multiple counts. First of all, true Christians know they are sinners. Acceptance of guilt is a main premise of Christianity. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Christ to cover our sins (1 John 1:7). Second, are you not claiming to be “better” than those “hypocritical” Christians? You’re acting like you’re better than Christians who think they’re better than everyone else, and so are no better than anyone.
If you don’t love the Church and the brethren, then you cannot say you love Christ—this goes back to my original Bible verse 1 John 4:20-21. I remember very clearly one time in which a member said something I perceived as just awful to my husband (we wives can be VERY protective when it comes to our husbands!). I was so mad I couldn’t even take the Lord’s Supper that Sunday. I sat outside on the swing set and just yelled and cried and spoke all my frustration to God in prayer. Then I came to these verses and this conclusion which I am telling you now: It doesn’t matter. What? Tricia, are you telling me my hurt feelings and my thoughts and my desires don’t matter? Yes.
I’ll be clear (I say it to myself, too). Your hurt feelings don’t matter when compared to how you’ve hurt Christ. If He can forgive you when trying to walk in the light the best you can (1 John 1:7) how dare you do any less for a brother or sister in Christ?
There was a discussion I had with my Daddy that was a great comfort to me. He brought my attention to that verse, which I’ve mentioned several times—1 John 1:7—but, with a special focus on the words “the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.” All. Not just a portion. Not just the sin that you recognized as sin. All. That means we don’t have to worry about when we don’t realize we’ve sinned. Christ knows we sinned; but, He also knows whether or not His blood is covering us. If it is, He forgives. If only we were to treat our brothers and sisters with this same kind of love!
I hope I’ve made sense in this blog because this topic is very dear to my heart. It’s easy to let the pettiness of the world penetrate into our dealings with one another; but, we can’t let it! If you are holding hate in your heart against a brother or sister, I urge you to let it go. Hating your brother or sister is not only wrong; but, it will take over your heart if you let it. Consider Ecclesiastes 7:9, words from the wisest man to ever walk the Earth (apart from Jesus), “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.” Also, Proverbs 19:11, “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.” Don’t let anger and hate make you a fool! Instead, be glorified in overlooking a brother’s or sister’s transgression. God please give us all the love for one another that You have for us. Amen.
–Tricia Reno
I have alot to say about forgiveness. Not sure where to start…
What I have found is that all anger & hurt are, at their root, directed to God, not the person we think we are mad at.
God helped me to forgive someone. He did that in me & He will do it in you,too. When He did, He told me to forgive the past, present, & the future. This helps me know how I am forgiven by my Abba
Forgiving does not mean that your hurt is not valid. It is not sweeping it under the rug & pretending that it did not happen. God knows how awful we are. He never pretends like our sin or Jesus’ sacrifice is a small thing. Yet He forgives us joyfully.
Unlike God’s forgiveness of us which requires our confession of repentance, our forgiveness can be one-sided which frees us to forgive even those who have passed or are unrepentant. This also means that if you forgive someone, this does not necessarily indicate that you have to reconcile a relationship that is hurtful to you. We can forgive & still not have the close relationship we once had.
If you are having trouble forgiving, please just talk to God. I have been in situations where my hurt was so deep, I couldn’t talk to God about it for a month. In fact, I couldn’t talk to Him period. But I missed Him, & after a month that is all I got out- “I miss you”. He prepared my heart, & the next day, I was able to talk with Him about it. Where He is, there is healing
Forgiveness is a process & you usually do not feel it in your heart. But if you will pray about them, asking God to bless them, your heart will change. Jesus asked God to forgive those who killed Him, & that is a hard prayer to pray when what we are thinking is ” Get ’em,God!” but God DOES have a plan. He created that person. Jesus died for that person & our Father loves them very much. The question becomes ” do you trust God to take care of you & to keep you? ”
One last thing, others are not ever the enemy or the bad person. The Bible tells us that our fight is not with flesh & blood but we need to turn the battle over to God because it is against things we cannot fight- powers, principalities, rulers of darkness in high places…. That person who God loves may be letting the evil one use them & they are accountable to God for using their free will to hurt you but make no mistake- satan is who is attacking you. Satan is the enemy, not the person. This thought has been a tremendous help to me
I know it is long. I hope you garner some help to enable you to build on Jesus with gold, silver, & precious stones that will be rewarded in heaven
Sometimes it is really hard to love a sister or brother when we know they do not repent or we doubt their behaviors. For example, I do not want to fellowship with Pang’s ex-girlfriend, and keep distance from several brethren I see are not honest. I talked to them, but they did not open their hearts to me. In such case, how can I love and forgive them?
All I do now is to pray for them to have a honest heart. Is it right in God’s eyes?
Matthew 18:21-22 tells us to keep forgiving.
Matthew 6:15 says if you dont forgive, God won’t forgive you
Ephesians 4: 30-32 says not to grieve the Spirit. Get rid of all bitterness, & wrath, & anger but be kind one to another, tender-hearted, & forgiving because God for Christ’s sake forgives us. This really helped me in my struggle because it is simple- God’s Spirit cannot be in me when I choose bitterness/unforgivingness. I choose God.
It is wonderful that you are praying & I encourage you to keep praying. (Something to consider-I can’t change any person but me. I pray for others, but I also ask God to change my perspective if needed. And more then not, it is my heart, my perspective that He changes).
God doesnt expect you to be able to do it without Him, so talk to Him. Tell Him why you are afraid to let it go. Some reasons may be that they may continue to be hurtful, that it will be swept under the rug, that it makes your hurt valid. God is not surprised at our responses to situations. He isn’t surprised by our situations or circumstances. My root reason was that I didn’t trust God to handle that person. I felt like I had to protect myself. Yes, I still get hurt. The same arrows, same message, different situations, different people. But we do not fight flesh & blood. We cannot defend ourselves at all which is why we MUST give battle over to God & let Him handle it
A book entitled “Total Forgiveness” really helped me & I have included some of the authors thoughts in this.
Grace be unto you, mercy & peace, from God the Father, & our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth & love
Plenty of good, clear thoughts here… <3
What has happened in the past should be forgiven and forgotten. No doubt you also have been “blinded” to people who cheated you, but should anyone else hold that against you? Does that make YOU less of a person because some evil person treated yo badly? No, we understand that you and we must forgive and move on. We do not think less of you because someone cheated you or lied to you. That is just the meanness of the people in the world. God will judge those men and women for what they have done to his children. It is not up to us to take vengeance or to teach them a lesson.