There is a story from the Little House television program entitled, “Be My Friend.” The story is about a girl living with her overprotective father in the woods. She was desperate for companionship, so she placed a note in a bottle and floated it in the river. The note said simply, “Be my friend.” Laura found the bottle and convinced her father to help her find the writer of the note. While they searched for this mysterious person, they came across a baby, left in the woods by the mother, the writer of the note. Laura cared for the child until Charles could find the mother and reunite her with her baby. The reason all this happened is not the important part of this story, at least for our consideration today. The part that is important is that these two girls became friends because of circumstances.
How do we choose our friends? Some choose friends because of similarities in age, race, status in society, or likes and dislikes. Some choose friends because of a dependency on a group for social approval. Some choose friends because of a need for companionship.
What is a friend? The dictionary defines a friend as “One attached to another by affection or esteem. One that is of the same nation, party, or group. One that promotes something. You can see that the definitions of a friend fall in line with the reasons I suggested we often use to form friendships.
We read about a variety of friendships in Scripture. Some were good and some were bad, even evil. Through those friendships, we can understand what friends can mean to us today. They provide us with the do’s and don’ts of choosing friends. They also provide us with the warning signs that can serve as guides for our understanding the pitfalls of disastrous relationships and the elements for godly influences in our lives.
King David had many sons, one of whom was Amnon. He and Absalom were half-brothers, and Absalom had a sister by the name of Tamar. Amnon fell in love with Tamar and was so tormented by his feelings for her that he made himself ill. He talked the situation over with Jonadab, his friend. Jonadab devised a plan to lure Tamar into Amnon’s bedroom, where Amnon took advantage of her. Second Samuel 13 reveals the outcome of this situation, and the following chapters reveal the disastrous family problems it created.
Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, had a group of friends just like Jonadab. When Rehoboam went to them for advice, they were more than willing to give it. Their advice created rebellion and destruction for God’s people (First King 12).
One of the saddest friendships is that of Job’s three friends. When Job had lost everything, his friends came to visit him. At first, they cried with him and sat for seven days and nights without speaking. Later they decided he had to be at fault, that he must have committed some sin that had caused all of his trouble. They were cruel in their accusations with no concern for Job’s feelings or his situation.
There are also some beautiful friendships mentioned in God’s Word. Some were begun because of family ties, and others were formed through shared goals and a love for God. The friendship of Jonathan and David is probably the most often mentioned example of friendship. When David had to run away from King Saul, Jonathan reminded David that they had the Lord between them; and they would be friends forever (First Samuel 20:42). The friendship of Ruth and Naomi stands out as another example of an everlasting relationship, begun through family association and continuing because of love and respect for God and one another. Jesus and His disciples were bound in a friendship of teacher and students, as were the apostle Paul and the young preacher Timothy. One of the most beautiful friend relationships was that of Jesus with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Jesus spent time with them in their home, taught them, and raised Lazarus from the dead.
Scripture gives us warnings about relationships with the world. We are told to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, Second Corinthians 6:14. Paul tells us not to be conformed to the world, Romans 12:2, and that evil companions corrupt good morals, First Corinthians 15:33. These passages indicate that we should choose our friends wisely, from among those that love the Lord, and not from those who put worldliness before God. James says, “…Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (James 4:4 ESV).
Friendship should not be a relationship based on one person trying to change the other. If the friendship is formed through a devotion to Christ and His church, there will be no need for this. It is not to take from the other person and never give anything in return. It is not an unhealthy dependency, being unable to be an individual. It is not based on wealth or a person’s status in society. Proverbs says, “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend” (Proverbs 19:4). Solomon found this out in his own life.
Friendship is support, comfort, sharing, honesty with one another without deceit, helping one another do the right thing. Job’s friends didn’t understand that friends sometimes just need to sit quietly and listen. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
Our friendships can and will either strengthen us or destroy us. Our choice of friends says much about who we are as Christians. We need to surround ourselves with those who will encourage us to be the kind of women who love God and who want to serve Him. Our Lord and Savior is our best friend, and only those who follow Him can be our truly special friends on this earth. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
Sandra Oliver