I have known several families that have lost children. I have watched them grieve in different ways, and I have learned that no two families grieve in the same way.
Sometimes families seek help; others suffer all alone. Those that suffer alone sometimes never recover. They spend their lives miserable and sometimes make everyone around them miserable.
The story of David and Bathsheba is a sad story about adultery, murder, and the death of a precious child. David took another man’s wife, murdered her husband when he discovered she was pregnant; and had to endure the loss of that child.
Before the child died, David prayed for him. “He fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground” (II Samuel 12:16 ESV). He refused to eat, and he refused to get up from the ground for seven days.
On the seventh day, the child died; and David’s servants were afraid to tell him. They were afraid he would harm himself.
When David was finally told his baby had died, he got up from the ground, took a bath, and changed his clothes. Then he worshiped God. The servants then brought him food, and he ate. His reasoning was that while the child was alive, there was hope that God would change His mind and let the child live. Once the child died, he resumed some normal activities.
What was Bathsheba doing during these seven days? What was she doing while the king was bathing, eating and worshiping? She may have been doing exactly what we would do—crying, grieving and making preparation for a funeral.
That’s what mothers do. Remember, she had also lost a husband. Verse 26 of chapter 11 says, “When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she lamented over her husband.” She had grieved for him, and David did not take her to his house until her time of mourning was over.
Bathsheba may have been a Hittite. Uriah, her husband, was a Hittite. If she was, she probably worshiped idols. If she wasn’t, she would likely have been familiar with the idol worship of the Hittites.
The Hittites inhabited the land from the river of Egypt to the Euphrates River, the area promised to Abraham. They lived in the land of Canaan while the Israelites were in captivity in Egypt.
They were driven out when Israel conquered the land of Canaan under Joshua (Exodus 3:8; 17, Deuteronomy 7:1, and Judges 3:5). The Hittites still lived in that area, and David even had a close associate who was a Hittite, Ahimelech (I Samuel 26:6).
The idols they worshiped were represented by a multitude of pagan gods. They were referred to as “the thousand gods”(Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Dictionary by Ronald F. Youngblood, page 570). Bathsheba would have likely not found comfort in the God of her husband but rather turned to one or more of the Hittite gods.
So, how can you be comforted when you have lost a child? How can you comfort someone who has lost a child? Would the God of heaven and earth be the one to whom you would turn?
Many blame God and actually turn away from Him, but God offers the comfort we need to see us through.
First, we need to remember that God did not cause the death of the child. God does not cause pain or evil. Death came into the world through Eve’s sin (Genesis 3). It was the devil that caused sin through his deception of Eve and her disobedience of God’s command. We can’t blame God for what the devil did. We can’t blame God for what happens because of illness or accidents, or other natural acts.
We also shouldn’t wonder why something bad happens to good people. Know that “…he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 4:45). No one is exempt from bad things happening.
Second, there is comfort in family and friends. Family is very important when we are grieving. The scripture says, “Then David comforted his wife, Bathsheba…”, (II Samuel 12:24). David was also grieving, but he comforted Bathsheba. She conceived again, and Solomon was born. Solomon could not replace the child she lost, but surely she was comforted by another child to love.
Friends are also important. Remember the story of Job? Job lost it all in terms of material goods — his children, his animals, and Satan struck him with sores all over his body. His wife wanted him to “curse God and die” (Job 2:9). His grief was great, and it seemed as though there would be no support. When his three friends heard what had happened, scripture says, “…They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him” (Job 2:11). Sometime later this “comfort” turned into criticism.
Jesus’ friend, Lazarus died. Mary and Martha, Lazarus’ sisters were saddened by his death. John tells us, “And The Jews comforted Mary, the sister of Lazarus” (John 11:31). Jesus was also grieving, and John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept”.
Third, our greatest comfort comes from knowing that one day we will see that precious child again if our names are written in the book of life, Revelation 20:13. Since babies have no sin, we can know that they are in a place of reward waiting for the judgment.
Prayer, scripture, friends, family, and a hope for a life in the hereafter are all there for us. The greatest comfort will surely come as the Holy Spirit speaks to God for us. Paul says in Romans 6:26, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words”.
Sandra Oliver
(Next week, “When I Struggle With Beings A Single Mom”).